i don’t like being at home, but when i’m out i’m thinking of things i need to do when i get back. i don’t want to be alone, but when i’m with people i envision the peacefulness of being by myself. i go to bed and imagine all the things i’ll accomplish the next day, then the next day i imagine just laying in bed forever. i tell myself i love my body and am getting used to it’s shape, then i look in the mirror and that all disappears. i fight in my head about being depressed; “oh i must be” “no i mustn’t, i have no reason” and all in all i just don’t know what to feel anymore. i need a guidebook on how to feel; which emotion i should use for the day, because nothing i think is making sense anymore
(Source: starguided)
